Hello everyone, This is my new email address. For now I am only going to be sending updates through this address; please feel free to respond. I will be deleting robbins.britton@gmail.com come 2009.
Today is August 1, 2008. One month from today I will be embarking on a new adventure; which the Lord confirmed over and over that it is His plan for me. I am going to be joining Youth With A Mission (YWAM) by doing their Discipleship Training School (DTS). It will start with a three month lecture phase. Followed up by a two month outreach phase; the outreach phase has not yet been determined on the direction that we will go. Pray for me that the Lord would release His abundant grace in this season to grow more mature in the faith of His Gospel. Pray for me that His unrelenting strength would cause me to prevail through my weakness. I am weak, but the Spirit of the sovereign Lord is willing to perfect all that concerns me. He is my truth and my only hope concerning salvation. Pray for me that He would give me grace to pursue and grab hold of all that He has for me during this season. Finally, pray for me concerning financial support. I still need to raise about 5000.00-6000.00 dollars.
The DTS will be run alongside the Tauranga House Of Prayer; which on August 4, 2008 will be running a five month internship. This is very exciting; the Lord bringing YWAM and THOP together, prayer based missions is a key. Moses told the Lord that He would not go unless the Lord went with Him. The Lord bringing the two together will equip missionaries with that same affectionate cry. Please be in fervent prayer concerning this next season, for us and for the nation of New Zealand.
My Heart: Let's rewind a bit shall we. September 25th, 2004. I was an ate up cocaine addict. Dead; completely deserving of eternal damnation. That night something happened; I would like to say it was an invitation by the grace of God to be saved. But let's take it a step further and say it was, with out a doubt the Lord divinely calling me out of my well deserved death and giving me His free gift of salvation. I have struggled since day one to really believe that I am eternally saved. What if I am not strong enough to save myself? I mean for real, I see the word of God and His laws set before me, and yes I strive to follow them with all that I am but still I fail over and over.
Jumping now to the year 2006; I had done a year worth of internship's (fire in the night/revive). You would think that by now Britton would have his head and heart in the right order by this time to not fall away. Well here is a bit most of you don't know. In November of 2006 I gave up. I had no hope for salvation, no hope in myself to attain that salvation; I was just as dead in heart as I was before. I had a new moral structure to follow, but I was not in love with God and I didn't believe He was able to save. So all it took was one moment of running in to a cocaine dealer at a gas station to completely bind me in a months worth of using cocaine again; night and day. I ran to Illinois on the basis that I new if I didn't uproot myself from the situation I would probably be in jail or dead. Since September 25th, 2004 I have failed in the area of addiction time and time again. Why? I believe to this day it had everything to do with my striving to hold on to my salvation. I sat in condemnation because I failed myself and therefore I had failed God as well. Now I see that the biggest problem was that I couldn't hold my salvation. The truth is, it's not my salvation to claim; it's the Lord's to give and preserve. I couldn't find joy in the Lord because I didn't really have faith that He was able to save me. I didn't have faith to believe that His grace would uphold me; it is God who delivers. In His mercy He poured out the fury of His wrath upon His son Jesus so that He could freely claim me as His own.
Psalm 5:11-12 But let all those rejoice who put their trust in You; Let them ever shout for joy, because You defend them; Let those also who love Your name Be joyful in You. For You, O Lord, will bless the righteous; With favour You will surround him as with a shield.
We were created to rejoice on the inside for real. To trust in the Lord; for real. To shout for joy; literal joy. Being filled with all the affections of the joy that His Son Jesus freely has given to us. I believe that we are plagued with unbelief due to our inability to save and purify ourselves. Far too many of us are plagued with oppression and or depression. Sitting idle in our condemnation. We never really mature in the faith because we lack confidence in the Lord to preserve us; we don't really believe that He will uphold us in His righteousness. The whole time He is trying to do a work in our Spirit we corrode our spirit's with our failures; letting apathy and pity control our views of God.
My testimony to you and my prayer for you is over this very issue. A little over a year ago my brother died. I came out of a six month pursuit of the love of God. I began to believe that He is faithful. I watched as He took the story of the Shulamite in the Song of Songs; she failed and even refused to run away with God because of this same issue. She was afraid of herself, people and God. The night I was informed of the loss of my brother's death I said a short prayer; I knew that if the Lord didn't step in that upon my arrival to Florida I would be a goner for sure.
May 30th, 2007: taken from my journal. "Preserve me oh God. With out you I will fall away and the last few years will mean nothing. I don't understand why Nick died, but I submit it to You. Take my confusion and any anger that might be brewing and purge it through the Cross. Thank You for Your mercy. Be my refuge and my strength. Let my heart forever love You. Amen".
In the last year I have wrestled with the sovereignty of God. I can honestly tell you that my seven months home before coming back out to New Zealand were completely drug free. Some how, through the death of my brother, I have been pulled in by the grace and mercy of God to lean more fully on Him. I have more confidence in His ability to save me and preserve me through any crisis situation. I am wrestling with scripture concerning His faith and His sovereign grace to be fully involved in the affairs of men. I urge you all to search deep into the scriptures.
This letter might not be the clearest that I wish I could present it to you. However these are the things stirring my heart to beat more confidently in love as I pursue Jesus.
PRAYER
Lord I thank You for Your gift of salvation. Lord it is by Your grace alone that I am saved. Nothing of myself. I was dead; drowning with no help; completely deserving of eternal death. I praise You Lord! You came and pulled me out. You saw me naked and bleeding; no one cared to save me. Their accusations mounted; but You pulled me out anyway. Lord we need a revelation of the joy that was set before the Father to crush the Son on our behalf. Give us a revelation of the beauty of Your salvation; You preserve us in salvation, granting freedom and deliverance in our hour of need. Lord, deliver us from depression and set in us eternal joy that can only be given by You. Give our inner soul an inner smile; Divine intimacy. Open up Your word Lord; cause sound doctrine to come alive in our inner man. You alone are worthy; we praise, honor and give glory to Your name. Lord be glorified by reforming our hearts that they may come alive in the truth of God. Set us free from apathy and self pity. Give grace in this hour for the knowledge that we really are set free; sons of the most high God are no longer in condemnation; they are more than conquers in Christ who have set them apart and redeemed them. Pursue us and continually conform us to the image of the invincible and incorruptible God and lover Jesus Christ. Amen.
Lord pour and Your Spirit in Jesus name. Lift addictions; drugs, eating disorders, all the weird little addictions that don't pass as addictions. Crush depression and give eternal joy. Dissolve oppression and give life and eternal joy; a smiling soul that shouts inside and outside for the great saving power of the Lord. Cause hearts to burn for the truth of God. Lord deliver my generation and grant Your salvation in this hour; with this people. Your grace is sufficient. Amen.
Sorry for the length. Be blessed. I love and miss each of you. And for new friends on my emailing list may the Lord bless you and your families. May He bring all of closer through the testimony of His love and affection for us.
With much love and respect,
Britton Gail Robbins
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